Is there space for daddy in the mummy & baby bubble?

The bond between a mum and her baby is something we hear about but can only really comprehend when experiencing it ourselves… I could have never imagined love so strong it’s almost a physical feeling!

This bond is formed during pregnancy, beginning as the most wonderful secret and (literally) growing into something very precious which we protect and nurture. The bond grows exponentially stronger when we hold our babies for the first time – that magical and rather fragile little creature completely and utterly reliant on us. The realisation of this responsibility was one of the most overwhelming feelings I’ve ever experienced but simultaneously I felt a strong connection with my baby – I had become her mother and I would always take care of her and protect her. It’s my job, nobody else’s.

For nine months it was just me and her and since my baby arrived, it has still mainly been me and her. I am the one feeding her and staying up with her at night, spending my every moment awake with her. And we all know during the first weeks and months that means most of the 24 hours of every day! At times I hope for a little break but I know I would just miss her terribly and I prefer to take care of her myself to be honest. Some days I find myself wishing she would never grow up and it would always just be us two!

But hold on a minute – she isn’t just my baby! And it isn’t just us two!

My daughter has the most loving and devoted father but the reality is that with him working, the time spent together with our baby is limited to a few hours a day at best. Because I’m still exclusively breastfeeding Maia, there is a limit to how long I can be away and unfortunately that sets a limit also to the daddy & baby-time.

The burden (if I may) of pregnancy, childbirth, and caring for the newborn is on women but in return we get a nine month head start to forming a bond with our baby. Most of us mums also have the privilege to spend all of our time with the little one during the maternity leave which means we will be there to receive the first smiles and to witness all of the exciting developmental stages of the first year of the baby’s life. I shouldn’t be selfish and keep it all to myself but instead support the development of the bond between my baby and her father the best I can. Otherwise I would be robbing them both of something very special.

Apart from feeding, there is nothing I can do with her which he couldn’t. I may be more tuned in to her needs and more skilled at for example dressing her up (those tiny clothes can be a challenge for the big man hands) but it’s only because I’ve had a lot of practice. Our baby may be a bit calmer and settle down easier with me because I am the most familiar person to her but this will only ever change if her dad is involved and can spend time with his baby too and so this shouldn’t be an obstacle to it (otherwise we’ll have a chicken and egg- situation). Practical challenges still exist but a lot can be done if the daddy & baby-time available is well spent.

The bond between a mum and her baby is beautiful and unique, but the mum and baby bubble can be so airtight it makes dads feel excluded. I believe it is for the benefit of all three – parents and baby- to make space for the dad. We created our daughter together. We have her and she has us – the both of us, not just me.

xoxoxo,

Sini

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