When I had my end of year appraisal with my boss a few weeks ago I tried to lighten up the mood by starting the meeting with “well I’m glad this year is over!” (Yeah I know, I should have been a comedienne 😆.) I wasn’t kidding, but I was (primarily) referring to the personal challenges I’ve gone through this year. I’d barely gotten used to the life of a working mum when I found out I was pregnant again and whilst the pregnancy was planned, admittedly it did not make the situation of juggling professional and personal life any easier.
I had three goals for this year:
- to be the best mum to Maia I could be, as a career mum (after being at home with her)
- to do my best to reestablish my finance career after a 13-month long maternity leave and get a promotion
- to fall pregnant and grow baby number two in my belly.
I’ve yet to receive confirmation of a promotion and my baby boy has not been born yet, but as far as my efforts go, I have achieved what I set out to achieve this year. But boy has it been one miserable year! 😬 I say this with caution, because I’m aware of all the blessings 2019 has brought us, primarily another healthy pregnancy, but that doesn’t mean it’s been a fun or an enjoyable year. It’s been an important year of personal growth, for sure, but it’s also been emotional and stressful and quite hard for the whole family. But that’s life sometimes and we always knew this would be a more challenging year, but one which would hopefully precede a happier year! I’ve written plenty about why I went back to my old job after maternity leave and how it was for me (read here for example)… In retrospect, it gave me another chance to evaluate and assess my career plans, to try what it’s really like to be a full time career mum with 50h+ working hours plus overseas travel, but also to keep my options open while earning another year’s pay and another maternity package (since we were hoping for another baby and I’ve been saving up to pay for help with childcare). All these considerations were very important to me and since I quickly noticed Maia was perfectly fine and happy with the arrangement of having a nanny look after her, I would conclude it was all worth it. This is what being an adult and a parent is sometimes… In short term we have to grit our teeth and work hard to achieve something that’s important to our families’ (and our own!) wellbeing in the long term.
I would consider determination (you can call me stubborn) to be my best personality feature and combined with the purpose my children have given me, I now feel like I can get through anything. 😊 Yes I’ve cried a lot this year and I’ve doubted my skills, abilities and life choices in general, but I’ve kept going and that’s what matters. It’s my own responsibility to shape my life into a happy and fulfilling one, but it’s not always easy to know exactly how to achieve that. Together with my husband we have come to the conclusion that for my happiness, being able to be with our children more is key and he will support me in achieving a better balance in personal and professional life.
We have also concluded that longer term living in central London is not optimal for our family. I love London, our house and being able to walk to the City has been great for my commute (my husband works in Mayfair and he cycles) and there’s so much right on our doorstep. But we are starting to long for a quieter life, more space and greenery… We will continue to live here for the time being but I think a move out of Central London is in the cards in the next five years. Next year I’m looking forward to enjoying once again all the mum and baby/toddler activities we have at walking distance and hopefully I’ll make some new mum friends (since I lost touch with most of my friends while working this year).
The last weeks of this year have been precious. I have had time to reconnect and bond with my daughter. ❤️ I love her fiercely and she’s still a mummy’s girl, but I feel like after these three weeks at home I’ve gotten to know her better again. Now a two-year old, she develops and changes so quickly! I’ve enjoyed having time to listen to her stories and to observe her playing and discovering new things about the world (“mummy look, moon in sky!!”). When I was still working, our time together was often interrupted by household chores and life admin. Sometimes I’ve been too busy trying to “do special stuff together” to stop and live in the moment. I’m grateful for this time because soon her baby brother will be born and that’ll be another big change for all of us. Speaking of whom, I’ve also tried to bond a bit with the bump baby but it hasn’t been very easy. 🙈 Practicing the hypnobirthing techniques and sorting out the baby stuff and packing the hospital bag were easier and more concrete steps of preparation.
What I am the most grateful for this year is my dream team of a family. ❤️ They both drive me crazy (and not in a good way) sometimes but I could not imagine a life without. It’s easy to be happy and in love when life is “easy”, but this year has really made me appreciate my husband’s love and support and the joy and purpose my daughter brings to my life.
So ok, it was a bit of a tough year but we are finishing it off feeling stronger than ever as a married couple and as a family, ready to take on 2020!
My two goals for the new year are to
- Take care of my children (not forgetting my hubby) and to support and love them the best I can and to enjoy motherhood
- Take better care of myself. When I resurface from the newborn bubble and feel ready for it, I want to strengthen my post baby body and improve my own health again, including my mental health. Who knows, maybe I’ll even come up with a new career plan next year!
First things first however, I need to bring this baby into the world. ❤️
Happy New Year everyone!
xoxoxo,
Sini