It’s been seven weeks since our little Noah Oliver was born. I can’t decide whether it’s “only seven weeks” or “already seven weeks”. So much has happened and yet not much at all! Life with a newborn is like Groundhog Day – a continuum of feeding, burping, nappy changing, and sleeping (or trying to sleep). I would love to say it’s been unforgettable, but in all honesty my sleep deprived brain is already forgetting the smaller details… So before the rest of my short term memory is wiped out, I wanted to write about our first month with Noah so that I will never forget! <3
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The first month in the baby bubble was simultaneously exciting and uneventful (but not boring!). Thankfully we avoided all drama and Noah has been thriving and my recovery has been straightforward. But even in the textbook scenario life with a newborn baby is not easy. After the first couple of weeks I made the mistake of thinking “oh wow, looking after my cuddly newborn baby is easy-peasy compared to my hyper active toddler” but that’s only partially true. Although babies don’t “do” much, caring for a newborn baby is intense and relentless. So even though it’s not difficult as such, it’s still hard. Also, suddenly having two children can be exhausting and overwhelming at times. I’m still learning how to be a mum to my two little ones – if only I could split myself in half! But I am beyond grateful that Noah has not had any issues (so far) and that the challenges we are dealing with, such as lack of sleep, cluster feeding, baby’s gassiness and stomach pains, are all very normal (albeit frustrating). There have been some tears but overall I’ve been feeling very happy and calm despite the big life change, which I credit to being a second time mum. The newborn phase has felt much easier and more enjoyable this time around! I don’t pretend to know it all but I’m confident in my ability to figure things out and I’ve been able to stay pretty relaxed these weeks. I try to focus on one day at a time and keep reminding myself that this intense phase feels long when in the thick of it but it does pass, and then I’ll miss it. So I’m happy to report no signs of the baby blues! 🙂
When Maia was born (in December 2017) I was very keen to resume “normal life” as quickly as possible but this time I have given myself more time to adjust to our new life and to heal after giving birth. Admittedly I am getting a bit of cabin fever now, but it’s been great to just focus on getting to know Noah and helping Maia to get used to the presence of a little brother without an ambitious agenda or even the need to leave the house. During the week we have the help of our nanny and she has continued to take Maia to her toddler activities and to the park which has given me the opportunity to bond with Noah, to establish breastfeeding with him and to catch up on sleep when he naps. Having help has also given me the chance to spend quality time with Maia and that makes me so happy! I missed her so much last year when I was working full time and she has grown to be such a little darling – I could not be more proud of her. Having Maia and the nanny in the house has also been lovely for the company. Newborn babies are adorable but toddlers are definitely more fun, and they talk back! I haven’t felt as lonely and isolated as I did when I was at home with Maia.
The first week was by far the hardest. I was over the moon with happiness but also feeling a little bit overwhelmed by it all. But what really made the first post partum days hard was the physical aftermath of giving birth – and I had an “easy” recovery! If you’ve read my birth story you’ll know Noah was born at a hospital on a Monday evening and the labour went very smoothly without any interventions, and we went home the next day. What came to me as a bit of a shock after such a smooth delivery was the intensity of the after pains which were so horrendous I actually cried. The after pains come from the uterus contracting as it shrinks back to its normal size. Breastfeeding often makes the contractions more intense which is another clever trick from Mother Nature to speed up the recovery but it’s not fun! I also learned that the pain gets worse in respective pregnancies and this was definitely true in my case. After Noah’s birth at the hospital the after pains were so intense I wanted to give the baby to my husband because holding him would make my uterus contract more and I just really wanted a break from pain – after all I had just endured labour. But then I felt guilty because I felt like I should want to be holding him all the time. The after pains lasted for the first week.
The bleeding was heavier and lasted for longer than after Maia’s birth and I still wore a light pad three weeks later. I think carrying a toddler and a baby up and down our three-story house contributed to this. On the positive, my milk came in quicker, already on day two, and my boobs ballooned to ridiculous size. It’s a bizarre thing to wake up one morning and look down and “WHOA!”. They were incredibly sore from the engorgement but luckily Noah’s latch had been great from the start and I never got sore or broken nipples – no cream or shields needed. I was thrilled the breastfeeding was going so well, but it made me super dehydrated and I got pretty bad headaches no matter how hard I tried to keep drinking. So to summarise, I felt tired and achy all over my body with giant pads in my pants and bra to control all the body fluid “leakage”. Yay. And all this is considered normal and compared to some others, I had it easy! Obviously the compensation came in the form of a gorgeous little baby boy, curled in a ball on my chest and I could not be more in love! But I just want to be transparent and say I did shed a few tears about the “unfairness of it all”. You’d think that after 9-months of pregnancy and then labour we’d earned a break but no…
If this is your first week post partum or you’re about to give birth, just remember that every day it gets better and after the first week everything feels much better! And you might not believe me, but the body will recover (even down there), I promise.
We were super excited to introduce Noah to her big sister Maia! I guess I was a bit nervous too… I was confident that over time everything would be ok with the siblings, but at least for us parents it was very comforting to have the first meeting go well. Because we were discharged so quickly, the next morning following Noah’s birth, we didn’t bring Maia to the hospital which I thought might have been a strange and scary place for her. We waited until after Maia’s afternoon nap to go home with Noah so that she wouldn’t miss her nap due to (potentially) being a bit overwhelmed and excited about the baby. Before bringing the baby into the room, I went in to give Maia a big hug (having been away) and told her about the baby. Then daddy brought him in… It was a very emotional and exciting moment for our family. One I won’t ever forget! To make sure of it, we have a video of it too! Maia was very excited about her little brother and was very gentle and loving towards him – and seven weeks later she still is!
During the first week I was admittedly overcompensating to Maia having been away (for 18-hours only!) and spending time with the baby. Instead of resting I was spending as much time with Maia as I could although in hindsight it was probably not the best idea, nor even needed. My husband took a week of paternity leave to be with us and our nanny was also a great support. But you know, mum guilt is irrational… The first time I left the house was on day 6 to go to the shop with Maia. I didn’t need to, but I wanted some air and a bit of one-on-one time with Maia. I wish I hadn’t gone, to be honest. I was still aching and tired and walking didn’t feel very good. Maia was tired too and wanted to be carried instead of sitting in the buggy and because of the said mum guilt, I carried her while pushing the buggy – a very bad idea! I’m sure every mum has at some point carried a reluctant toddler with one arm while pushing the buggy with shopping bags in with the other, but I wouldn’t advise doing this six days after giving birth… It resulted in heavy bleeding (which had started to die down) and lower back pain. Also, I don’t feel I was ready to leave baby Noah and the anxiety hit me on the way back, although I was only gone for an hour!
How about little Noah then?! Well he was a little darling, calm and cuddly and feeding like a champion. He was sleeping most of the time and only occasionally opened his eyes. He was happy to be put down (unlike his sister as a newborn) and already by day 4 he would have 2-hour naps in his Moses basket or the Sleepyhead snooze pod. Noah was born with a full head of gorgeous golden hair and likes having it stroked closing his eyes in enjoyment. Like any baby, Noah of course loves being cuddled and being cheek-to-cheek (or cheek-to-my boob :D) with me. I remember sleeping the first nights with him in my bed, literally nose to nose and he was very calm. As much as I love co-sleeping with my baby, I don’t actually sleep very well and get back pain because I tend to tense up trying to avoid rolling over the baby. So I was happy to have Noah sleep in his Moses basket next to my bed already during the first week!
The midwife first came for a home visit on day 2 and then on day 5 and had no concerns whatsoever. Noah was nearly back at his birth weight already by day 5 which was amazing (3kg vs. 3.065kg) and very reassuring for me, since I was (and still am) exclusively breastfeeding. I had a lot of Maia’s old “tiny baby” size clothes and Noah just fit into them during the first weeks, but because he was born long (54cm vs. Maia’s 47cm), quite soon the sleepsuits became too small. We used one pack of micro nappies since we had them, but size 1 was perfectly fine from the beginning and by the end of his first month, Noah had moved up to size 2. I suspect this boy will grow fast!
The midwife was a bit worried about my headaches and elevated blood pressure and at each visit measured it a couple of times. Personally I think my blood pressure was higher at the beginning of the visits just because I’ve become such an introvert that visitors make me slightly anxious!
Apart from a sympathetic chat and taking my blood pressure there was no post natal care for me. At 6-8 weeks I would see a GP but from experience I’m not expecting much more. The babies are well cared for in this country but I must say the aftercare for mothers is lacking…
The second week was much better for me! Suddenly the cramps eased and I started to feel more like myself again. I still struggled with dehydration and was getting headaches but every day was better than the previous. I started going out for little walks with Noah in the sling at first and then in the pram and the fresh air felt lovely! Most days the weather was pretty horrendous though and I didn’t mind hibernating in the house. I always say winter is the best time to have a newborn baby to cuddle!
My husband went back to work when Noah was 1-week old and started sleeping in our guest room during the work week. Every family will find a sleeping arrangement that suits them and we had decided it’s the best for us that he gets proper sleep so that he has energy at work and can help me out in the mornings when I’m very tired. Because I breastfeed Noah, I’m the one who gets up at night and there isn’t much anyone else could do to help anyway. Speaking of sleep, week two was a good one. Noah would sleep in his basket for 2-3 hour stretches and wake up a couple of times per night for a feed and a nappy change (around 1-2am and 4am). He would even self-sooth if I’d put him to bed awake (when tired obviously) and not protest like Maia did.
Noah’s first bath was not as fun as I thought it would be. Where as Maia had enjoyed her first bath, Noah screamed through the entire experience. He didn’t like being naked (probably got a bit cold) and started crying already before he touched water and would not relax until he was back in clothes. His second time was much better though and soon he started enjoying the home spa which I started setting up next to the radiator.
Breastfeeding was going very well and Noah was feeding for longer periods as well which I’m sure helped with the sleep. We had a new challenge however…Trapped wind. Maia was never sick after feeds and didn’t need burping and I have only recently learned how rare that is. First I did not even realise why Noah was crying, until someone pointed out that I should burp him! Silly me. This just shows how different babies are and how even a second (or third, fourth, etc) time mums don’t know everything! Unfortunately it didn’t end there, but Noah also developed a habit of bringing up milk – sometimes a little, sometimes the entire feed. It didn’t (and doesn’t) really bother him, he’s actually generally more comfortable afterwards, but of course it’s pretty inconvenient for me and means a lot of dirty laundry. Over the weeks I’ve learned to manage it better and some days he’s not sick at all, and on others once or twice, but I’m still nervous about going into public with him in case I get vomited on. The gassiness was making him very uncomfortable and poor Noah was clearly having stomach pain, especially in the evenings. I started giving him Infacol (which helps small air bubbles in the tummy to combine into bigger bubbles which are easier for the baby to get rid off) before feeds which I think helped and then just focused on burping very frequently. I started feeling like all I was doing was nursing or burping him, or mopping up vomit…
At the end of the second week we were discharged from the midwife and moved over to health visitor. They were very pleased with Noah’s progress and considered everything, even the vomiting, normal. Because I’m not a first time mum the health visitor would not come back until Noah’s 8-week check up. We agreed to do it in combination with Maia’s 27-month development review as the timings coincided. This is tomorrow!
When Noah was two-weeks old we also welcomed the first visitors, my dad who flew from Finland and my husband’s mum. We like to keep the home peaceful and to keep to ourselves during the first weeks. There was no rush and it was lovely to spend this special time focused on our kids and each other without worrying about hosting guests.
By the third week I felt like we were getting used to the new normal. I was feeling much better, almost normal. My belly was back to flat, bleeding was light and the headaches were almost gone. We had developed a little day routine: my husband would get up with Maia when she woke up 6-6.30am while I was nursing or snoozing with Noah. I would take over around 7.30-7.45am when he hit the shower and got ready for work and leave by 8.15am. I was doing my best to manage until 9am – my goal was to have both kids changed, dressed and fed by then (still doesn’t always happen). The nanny comes at 9am and helps to sort whatever chaos we’ve created that morning and leaves with Maia by 10am either to an activity or the park. I would put Noah down for a nap and either go back to bed or shower, depending on the sleep of the night before. In the afternoon I would go out with the pram for a walk or to run small errands. My biggest venture out was to the town hall to register Noah’s birth when he was 2-weeks old. Maia would wake up from her nap at 4pm and I’d often go play with her for an hour. I would feed Noah while she would have her tea with the nanny, so that he would be calm while I bathed Maia and put her to bed (6-7pm). The nanny went home at 7pm and I would usually sit down to feed Noah again. In the best case scenario he would fall asleep when my husband would come home and we would have our dinner in peace and watch some TV. This did not always happen. Around 10pm we had another round of feeding and nappy changing before going to bed for the night.
So I felt like I was getting the hang of the new life! And then Noah got sick. Maia had caught a cold and no matter how we tried to wash her hands and to keep her from touching the baby, Noah caught her cold. It felt so unfair that a 2-week old would get sick but at least it was “just a cold”. Unfortunately a stuffy nose on a baby means no sleep… This cold dragged on for a couple of weeks. I was getting pretty exhausted. The silver lining was that Maia very rarely woke up to Noah’s crying despite her sleeping just next door.
We had a few more visitors during that week, my brother in law and two of my good girl friends. We were tired yes, but I could still look them in the eye and say I was living the dream. Must be the post partum hormones (and coffee) helping me to power through!
Our fourth week with Noah was spent in a survival mode. Maia was over her cold in a few days but poor Noah was still struggling. Also the weather was miserable. I wanted to treat myself and booked a facial, hoping it could reverse the damage done by lack of sleep. I was nervous about leaving the baby for 1.5-hours but I trusted our nanny and I would be walking distance away from home. I booked my appointment to take place during Maia’s nap time so that the nanny would only have one child to look after. The facial was absolutely heavenly and I struggled to wake up from the deep relaxation. After weeks of doing nothing for myself it felt amazing to have that brief moment dedicated to me.
The week kept on improving as one of my good friends came to visit with her two little ones. Our toddlers are babies are about the same age and honestly there is nothing as amazing as having a friend who really gets you because she is going through the same thing at the same time, especially in all things motherhood. I also made me emotional to look at the kids together. It still blows my mind that in two years we’ve created four little humans!
On Valentine’s Day my husband cooked a nice meal and I munched away a box of chocolates. Date nights are still in the future. At the moment we are happy to just relax at home if and when we get a chance.
By the end of the week Noah had finally recovered but now it was my turn to be sick. This was my first cold since September and I must say it sucks to be sick as a mum. You don’t get sick leave and you can’t take any cold medication (expect paracetamol) and the lack of sleep makes it very hard to recover!
The last week of Noah’s first month was very special to me because my little brother came to visit and stayed for three nights. It was of course a shame that I wasn’t in top form but my 22-years old brother proved to be excellent support! He helped with the baby holding him when he was fussy so that I could get some sleep. He made me coffee in the morning and cooked us all meals. One day when I felt a bit better we did a little tourist tour with my brother and Noah and took the bus south to St. Paul’s Cathedral, walked over the Millenium Bridge and visited the Tate Modern (a great rainy day activity!) before exploring the Borough Market. Half a day out was enough for Noah and me and we left my brother to explore London as we headed home for a nap. Noah had just slept in the pram for almost four hours so it was really me who needed a break!
In addition to my cold I was starting to feel quite drained by the cluster feeding phase Noah was going through. It was of course great that he is growing so well but that boy is so hungry! At one-month old he was already the size his big sister was at 2-months old! I try to stay positive and take pride in having been so successful in exclusively breastfeeding him, but admittedly I was starting to look like a ghost. I really need to start making more effort when it comes to my own meals during the day. My coffee and toast-combo keeps me going but definitely not thriving. I’m also looking forward to starting my post partum fitness journey and that will definitely require a supportive meal plan (or at least more nutrients than a slice of toast has to offer).
Luckily my in-laws came to stay with us the following week and with their help I finally started getting over my cold! Just in time for both kids to get sick again… 😀
But all my efforts were rewarded soon enough. On February 20th when he was exactly one month old Noah smiled at me for the first time! My mum heart almost burst.
All I can say is that my kids make me really happy. <3 I wish I could freeze time but at the same time I’m excited to watch them grow and especially to see how Maia and Noah’s relationship develops. I am so happy to be able to stay at home again and to be with them every day. 2020 is going to be a great year!
xoxoxo,
Sini