I don’t want to pretend everything is fine but sometimes when things get really tough I’d rather not even put it in writing, as if that would somehow crystallise my feelings. But I will use this post to let out some steam and to brief you on what’s happening over here, but I promise the next post will be about something else entirely!
I can’t write about our current life and not write about the coronavirus. The pandemic is still firmly part of our everyday lives and no matter how hard I try to stay positive and to count my blessings, I can’t pretend life goes on as normal. We’re far from normal. In fact, the situation is the worst since the coronavirus first made its way from Wuhan to the UK. Starting the new year effectively in lockdown again with London being in Tier 4 and the start of schools being delayed was so depressing to the point I couldn’t find myself to wish anyone “Happy New Year”. The new variant of the virus with its significantly higher transmission rate (70%) is scary. The only source of relief is the knowledge that there is a vaccine out there now and that the prime minister has ordered 100 million jabs, but who knows when it’ll be our turn. It’ll take months to get everyone vaccinated!
“Thanks to the miracle of science, not only is the end in sight but we know exactly how we are going to get there.” PM
And now Boris Johnson has just announced another national lockdown starting tomorrow, following a sharp increase in coronavirus infections. I think we all saw it coming but honestly, what a way to start a new year…
According to Johns Hopkins University, globally more than 85 million cases of Covid have now been reported and 1.84 million deaths. I’ve included screenshots of the key statistics for the UK from bbc.co.uk to give you an idea of the severity of the pandemic.
The fiasco of the promised and then cancelled 5-day “Christmas break” from the toughest restrictions was yet another fine example of the UK government’s (dare I say it) poor management of the pandemic and peoples’ expectations and behaviour. It is no doubt an unprecedented situation we are in, but personally I’d feel more comfortable under a strong leadership rather than a government that seems to make a mess of everything… I’m not opposed to the measures to fight the virus, we need them! But it’s frustrating to see how other countries have managed the pandemic so much better meanwhile our government has been slow and indecisive. (I say our, but since I’m not a UK citizen and can’t vote it’s not a government I’ve chosen.) Our Christmas plans didn’t change because we expected the situation to deteriorate and as such had prepared to spend it at home without guests, but living in the continued uncertainty is stressful and not being able to plan anything is hard too. The school closures are currently causing chaos and we still don’t know whether Maia’s nursery school will reopen on Wednesday. Maia misses preschool and her friends and I would like to prepare her regarding returning to nursery but I can’t because I don’t want to disappoint her and nothing is certain at the moment. I feel a bit anxious about the thought of sending her but on balance I think it’s beneficial for Maia and will reinstate some sort of normality and routine.
Current feelings? Mostly exhausted and frustrated, a little scared, too. In my worst moments I feel nauseated and as if there’s a heavy weight on my chest and a lump in my throat. I struggle to get out of bed in the morning because of the pure exhaustion from this prolonged abnormal life. The mental load of worrying about the safety and health of myself and my family and friends (and everyone else!) is taxing as well. I always dreaded the second wave of coronavirus because at least the first one was in spring time. Now it’s been dark, cold and wet for months and all indoor activities outside our home have been forbidden. Meeting up with friends has also been limited to one person outside the household so families can’t meet up which is a real shame, although of course limiting social interaction is key to stopping the virus from spreading. I know lack of entertainment sounds trivial in the grand scheme of things but while we have been physically healthy, the solitude and lack of stimulus and variety in our lives is really taking a toll on us. We’ve exhausted our imagination and our neighbourhood to create variety to our days. I’ve been taking the kids to the park even in the rain. When still allowed, we even drove to the nearest coast although it was freezing cold (+2 degrees Celsius), just to have a walk in the fresh air with hot tea in a flask.
Ironically, my life will get slightly easier during the third lockdown than what it was in December when we were under Tier 4 restrictions and Maia was on Christmas holiday from her nursery school (3.5-weeks!!). My husband was working from the office for 12-15h every day leaving me alone with Maia and Noah from early morning until after their bedtime. Of course I’ve always done the heavy lifting when it comes to looking after the kids while he works, but at least when he works remotely from home he can run to help if I struggle (like at nap time, bath and bedtime 🤪). And if Maia can go back to her nursery 3-hours a day that will give her the social interaction and activities she misses and also it’ll take a bit of pressure off me. At least this is what I tell myself when I try to stay positive.
The darkest days of the winter are behind us although it doesn’t feel that way right now. I’m doing what I’ve been doing for the past year, focusing on the kids and sticking to my exercise routine, taking it day by day. I’m not sure what we can realistically look forward to, but spring is definitely on the agenda. ☀️
xoxoxo,
Sini