In two months time I will have been either pregnant or breastfeeding for four years straight. I expected not to feel very emotional about stopping breastfeeding Noah because quite frankly I thought I would have had enough of sharing my body for so long! But no. Despite the circumstances being very different to when I stopped nursing Maia two years ago, it still feels very emotional to be thinking about stopping.
I’m so proud of my body and feel happy that I’ve exclusively breastfed both of my babies for over a year without giving the bottle or formula milk. I know this isn’t something I could take for granted, no matter how natural it is. I think it’s very important that we are open about the struggles and challenges mothers may face with breastfeeding because only then can we get the support needed. That being said, I want to be open and vocal about my positive experience because I hope other mums will find it encouraging. I’ve always nursed on-demand without any feeding schedules and I truly believe in all the benefits of nursing to the baby. With my breastfeeding friends we’ve often laughed that “whatever the problem, boob is the solution!” 😄 To me it’s also been the easiest and the most hassle-free feeding method with no sterilising of bottles or heating up milk required, not forgetting the money I’ve saved!
In many ways my second breastfeeding journey was even easier than the first because Noah literally latched on within minutes of being born. When he was born, I lifted him up, turned around (I had given birth on my fours) and lay back with him on my chest and he found the nipple straight away! I credit this to having had a natural, unmedicated birth. When Maia was born both she and I were hazy from the drugs as I’d had an injection of diamorphine during labour and I didn’t even attempt breastfeeding for hours, I just gave her colostrum with a syringe. And when I finally tried, we struggled with the latch and Maia would keep falling asleep without having had a proper feed. I got very stressed out with the well-meaning nurses and midwives giving me contradictory advice and watching over my shoulder as I tried and tried again. Long story short (read about it here), we got there in the end and I successfully nursed her for 14-months before weaning. But after the rocky start with Maia, I was elated when my nursing journey started so easily with Noah. Noah was a natural but also I was more confident and trusted my ability to do it. Taking on the sole responsibility for feeding another human being didn’t feel as overwhelming this time either. Neither did the lack of personal space feel as daunting. Being a second time mum helped with many things.
I don’t want to paint a too rosy picture because of course there were challenges along the way such as the newborn cluster feeding, clogged milk ducts, Noah spitting up a lot of the milk for the first eight weeks, my neck pain, and most recently, biting with eight teeth! But overall, it’s been lovely, easy and natural and it makes me feel sad to think it’s coming to an end, but I think it is.
I stopped breastfeeding Maia when she was 14-months old because I was back to work and away for her 11 hours per day and I didn’t want to pump in the office. I also needed to improve our sleep and to stop the 5am comfort boob. And thirdly, we were hoping to fall pregnant again and breastfeeding prevented that for me (I read many articles about how to get my period back without stopping nursing but I my case, even one feed a day kept the period at bay). All good, valid reasons to stop, but I felt so sad about it. I struggled to get used to being separated from Maia and it felt painful to have someone else take my role during the day. Breastfeeding was the one thing that made me special to Maia, I thought. The one thing no one else could offer her. In hindsight this was a silly thought – no one could ever replace me as her mummy. Breastfeeding or not, I’ll always be special to her. I know that now.
As you may know, I made the decision to delay my return to work (indefinitely?) and am officially on a sabbatical leave this year. So when my maternity leave ended in December, nothing changed for us. I have no external pressure to stop nursing as I’m here with Noah all the time. Another perk of staying at home for longer!
So what makes me think of stopping now? I think it’s because Noah is one now and that’s always been my breastfeeding goal. I also feel like it’s naturally coming to an end and I’m wondering whether I should just call it and stop completely or whether to make an effort to keep my milk supply up to carry on. Breastfeeding has gradually reduced as weaning progressed. It also reduced when I separated feeding from sleeping as part of the sleep training. Noah eats solids very well, he eats almost as much as me! He can easily put away a three-egg omelette for breakfast for example, a bowl of pasta for lunch and still have a banana as a dessert! Noah drinks water from a cup and we’ve just started giving him cow’s milk as well, mainly in the mornings when I get to sleep in. So nutritionally he doesn’t need breastmilk (although there are still benefits to him having it such as to boost his immune system!).
Noah has slept well since the sleep training at 9-months (apart from regressing during teething and a cold) but he had a habit of waking up for one feed around 4/5am. I carried on with this because he would then sleep until at least 6am which is more acceptable as “morning”. Very similar pattern to Maia! So I knew from experience that if I wanted to stop getting up in the night, I needed to break the habit of the early morning boob. Firstly I stopped nursing him in my bed and would instead feed him in his room and pop him back into his cot. I wanted him to get used to staying in his bed and not to wake up for a cuddle, because as much as I loved the morning cuddles, I really want to sleep now. It has been a year after all. So a week ago we decided to night wean, to stop feeding him at night. I say we because I needed my husband’s help to do it. From my experience with my two, babies seem to accept this change in routine much easier from the “milk less boob” aka dad. So when Noah would wake up, I’d send my husband in to give him a quick cuddle and shush. We did this for a few nights before we tried simply leaving him, and he started going back to sleep on his own. It’s only been ten days now, but most nights he has slept until 6/6.30am!
When do I still breastfeed if Noah sleeps from 7pm to 6am, doesn’t need the boob to fall asleep for naps or the night, and eats three proper meals?! When he wants, is the answer. I’m not offering, but if he comes to me clearly wanting the boob, that’s when he gets it, usually mid-morning and/or mid-afternoon. But I have to say that since night weaning my supply has dropped! I haven’t gotten my period back yet but I think that’s in the cards too if the nursing continues to lessen. I’m not sure what I’ll do now but probably I’ll just see how things go. It’s possible Noah loses interest with the lack of milk in which case our breastfeeding journey would have a natural, tear-free end. I think I’m starting to feel ready for that.
xoxoxo,
Sini
Ps. I really hate it when people say things like the “baby is just feeding for comfort” as if it’s not important to provide the baby comfort! Babies and toddlers can get so much out of breastfeeding, it’s not “just” milk. ❤️