So the third time was not the charm…
I know I should shrug it off and stay positive but I just feel too tired for that. Tired, sad, disappointed and defeated. I didn’t have the energy to pretend anything else, so I went straight home after work, wrapped myself in blankets on the sofa and had some good old chocolate therapy.
Yes, I know, it’s only been a few months and yes, I know, I’m already blessed with so many good things in life, but still… and it doesn’t help that getting your period feels crap anyway!
I can be happy and energetic, optimistic wannabe mum tomorrow. 🙂
To be honest, a new, ugly feeling has recently raised its head and that’s jealousy. I feel so ashamed to admit it but seeing baby bumps and hearing pregnancy news have started to, increasingly, sting. It’s awful when you can’t just be genuinely happy for another person (no matter how hard I try!) without thinking “when will it be our turn? It should’ve been me!” No amount of rationalising has really helped, so I’ve just kept a low profile not to reveal these ugly thoughts.
Jealousy is probably natural and I’m trying to think it’s good that at least I acknowledge these feelings and am trying to rise above them! I don’t believe there is a certain quota of love and happiness in the world and so someone else’s happiness is most definitely not away from me!
So, short term strategy to gain some peace of mind: Go see my GP to check everything is ok (i.e. do I even ovulate?). And “fake it until you make it” with the congratulations to those lucky ones who’ve made it preggers! (They don’t deserve my sour face)
March will be extremely hectic for us as it’s a busy time at work and we’ll be away in New York for a wedding, we are completing on our flat sale and need to find a temporary place to live in and not to mention the move. A lot on… but also a lot to occupy my mind with! Better not to let Project Baby take over.
We will get there, eventually. Positive thinking! 🙂
xoxoxo,
Sini