I’ve exclusively breastfed Maia since the day after her birth. In all honesty, we got off to a rocky start and it has not been an easy journey. For some mothers breastfeeding seems to come so naturally, with their babies latching on even before the cord clamping. This was definitely not the case for us! I wanted to share our experience so far in case someone else out there is struggling and would find comfort and encouragement from the fact that we too struggled but got there in the end (I hope I’m not jinxing it now)!
Getting started
Until my baby was born, the whole concept of breastfeeding was rather theoretical to me. I attended a 3-hour breastfeeding class while still pregnant as part of the NCT prenatal course, practicing the positioning the baby with a doll and feeling ridiculous. This is not to say these classes are pointless – I let you be the judge of it – but it felt like trying to learn to swim on dry land. You will never understand the fear of drowning until you are in water, unsure of your swimming skills.
I had heard from other women that breastfeeding can be challenging both physically and emotionally. I also knew that giving birth hurts but until I experienced it myself, I didn’t really have a clue. Same goes for breastfeeding – to understand it I needed to experience it.
About two weeks after Maia’s birth a health visitor came to see us and she asked me if I was enjoying breastfeeding. For a moment I was at loss for words. I had been so concentrated on getting Maia adequately fed – the right techniques, times and amounts – that it had not occurred to me I could indeed also enjoy it. After some hesitation I replied to her that “I didn’t mind it”.
By far the toughest part for me in exclusive breastfeeding is coping with the sole responsibility of keeping our daughter fed. It really hit me at the hospital. If I would fail, my little 2.5kg daughter would not get the nourishment she needs to survive and grow. No pressure!
In my birth story I alluded to our initial struggles with feeding. During our first 12 hours together, both Maia and I were too spaced out by the diamorphine to properly have a go at breastfeeding so I fed her my (hand expressed) colostrum with a syringe. On the next day Maia would sort of latch on but just suckle for a moment and then fall asleep. We had the hospital’s lactation consultant as well as our borough’s breastfeeding support group’s representative come around to help, but in addition, every midwife (and there were many) seemed to have an opinion of what I was meant to be doing – and to my great frustration, they were not in sync.
I was getting pretty stressed about going home not able to feed my baby and expressed these concerns to the midwives who made a note of this. It effectively meant that we had to stay at the hospital for another night as the hospital would not discharge a mum and baby if the feeding was not working well enough (either breast or bottle). Our extended stay was mostly positive of course as we did need further support, but I felt very much under pressure to quickly master something I’d only just done for the very first time in my life, while being constantly observed!
Challenges with the correct latch
I was worried whether Maia was getting enough food and so I let her “nipple feed” as she wasn’t latching on properly, but this only made things worse as by day three I was so sore I could have cried. Practice makes perfect however and I wasn’t ready to give up! The help and support I got at the hospital was (mostly) very good and once we got home and got to practice in peace, things started improving. I was so pleased and proud of Maia’s first dirty nappy at home, a proof that she was indeed getting fed!
Good tips I received on positioning the baby were 1) baby’s chin to breast and 2) nose to nipple. What I later learned at home was to gather everything you might need during the feeding session within reach such as your water bottle (breastfeeding is very dehydrating!), a muslin, your phone, TV remote, etc because once you get started you’ll be “stuck” for awhile (and potentially getting bored).
From colostrum to milk
Maia was born on Saturday night and my milk came in by Tuesday. I had heard of the “Dolly Parton effect” but I was still astonished by how fast and how much the breasts grow! I thought that having gone through pregnancy I’d be used to seeing my body change rapidly in unexpected ways… The engorgement was painful which in turn made feeding again more challenging. My fiancé was kind enough to go fetch a rental Medela breast pump (which the breastfeeding support person recommended on her home visit) but luckily the pain quickly subsided and I didn’t need to pump.
I had been told to feed Maia as frequently as possible for her to gain weight but also for my milk supply to increase to full capacity. Apparently it’s recommended to kick-start the production fully and then to let nature adjust down the milk volumes to the baby’s needs (allegedly it does not work the other way round). Hence during the first month I’ve been determined to only breastfeed, not to express nor give formula milk, not to confuse my body of how much milk is actually needed.
Cluster feeding
Newborns have tiny stomachs (about a size of a marble) and initially they feed very frequently, especially if the baby is small. Babies also enjoy the chance to be close to their mums – they don’t call it the fourth trimester for no reason! Maia definitely still feeds often and for short periods. From her perspective it does not matter, it’s just rather inconvenient for me as she (nor I) will then never sleep for very long periods. This varies a bit though and after the first two weeks she occasionally slept for as long as three hours in one go, proving that it is possible for her to go that long on one feed.
Another reason for “cluster feeding” can be a growth spurt. As much as I’d like to gradually get into a some sort of routine and longer feed-sleep cycles, my feeding pattern is still very much baby-led. Only she knows how much she needs. That being said, I do try to gently encourage her to continue feeding if she starts to nod off after just five minutes.
Oversupply of milk
Maia is now 4-weeks old and has become so good at latching on regardless of her position that it makes me wonder why we struggled so much initially! However, we have recently faced a new challenge – oversupply of milk. Sometime ago Maia started getting very fussy when feeding. She would cry, pull away from the breast arching her back, kick and rage, biting my nipples and I could not understand why. I knew she was getting milk since it was literally spraying into her mouth without any effort (sometimes she wouldn’t even bother to suckle but would just lick the nipple!). A quick Google suggested that was the problem – the flow of milk is more than she can handle.
Based on my Googling, there are ways to try to reduce the milk supply but this is not recommended in the first two months and ideally mums would wait until the supply naturally adjusts which normally happens by the end of baby’s third month. Similarly, expressing now would interfere with this natural adjustment process and would therefore be unhelpful (apart from momentary relief). But how to prevent us both developing a love-hate relationship with breastfeeding then?
There are ways to make the situation easier for the baby to handle:
- positioning: holding the baby more upright, mum leaning back more, or side-lying (letting milk dribble out)
- feeding more frequently not to let the breasts fill up too much
- burping the baby frequently
- allowing the baby to come off the breast when she wants to and wiping off excess milk with a towel
I’ve tried all of the above and they help a bit although I do hope this situation is temporary! It’s easier to stay patient with my baby now that I understand her struggle better.
Our plan going forward
I’m not fully decided on our plan yet, but our initial thought was to primarily breastfeed but to introduce the bottle and give expressed milk occasionally to give me more flexibility (e.g. to go to the hair salon!). The challenge with exclusive breastfeeding is that I can’t go anywhere without my baby. Not that I really want to anyway, not yet at least, but occasionally it’d be nice to go out without worrying about having to rush back because the baby might be hungry. It would also be nice for her dad to be able to participate a little bit in the feeding, perhaps even give me a night off every once in a full moon.
I do worry a bit about whether giving the bottle will interfere with breastfeeding… But simultaneously I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving the baby for longer than an hour without being sure she will accept the bottle so perhaps doing one of the feeds per day with a bottle would be the way forward? I’ll need to research this a bit further before deciding.
So am I enjoying breastfeeding? Well, I’m proud of myself for having persevered and very appreciative of my body’s ability to feed my child. That being said, I’m not going to miss being a “milk bar on legs” with the ugly nursing bras and constantly wet breast pads.
In the meantime however, I will try to view breastfeeding as a special bonding time with Maia and enjoy it as such.
To all mums out there, don’t give up!
xoxoxo,
Sini
Please note that the above reflects my understanding and four-week experience of feeding a baby. I am not a lactation professional and do not intend to give advise to anyone!