I’ve learned to love breastfeeding (yep, that’s how far we have come) but there is no denying it’s tough. It’s tough even when you enjoy it because babies feed a lot and sometimes very frequently – for example Maia feeds about 4-5 hours a day, sometimes as frequently as every hour. It’s tough because the baby is entirely relient on you for her food which means you need to be constantly “at her service”, night and day. It’s tiring and simply impractical at times. I do love these intimate moments with her though and it’s a great feeling to be able to satisfy her needs (no matter how endless they might feel), but having the option of occasionally giving expressed milk in a bottle would make our lives a bit easier and take some of the pressure off my shoulders.
Even if I had an inkling of breastfeeding possibly being a bit of a challenge, in my naivety I never thought bottle feeding could be difficult – pumping perhaps, but not the actual feeding. I’ve never heard anyone say “Oh I exclusively breastfed my baby because she refused the bottle” but could that happen to us?!
I’m very happy that we have managed to establish breastfeeding so well with Maia despite the rocky start. Our only challenge continues to be my oversupply of milk but we’ve found ways to deal with it and it’s merely a practical inconvenience for me, Miss wet t-shirt. Last week I started pumping milk into the freezer for the day we might need it and I soon discovered that a silicon milk collector (it’s not really a pump) is enough for me for expressing – silver lining of the oversupply!
After seven weeks of exclusive breastfeeding we decided to try giving expressed milk with a bottle. The main rationale was to share my burden of feeding her by giving others (her dad, grandparents, potential child minder etc) the chance to feed Maia. I was a bit worried about the combination feeding sabotaging the breastfeeding but we wanted to give it a go.
On Sunday before last I left to the gym while Maia was napping, planning to be away for an hour and half. I left a bottle with 30ml of freshly pumped milk as a little snack to offer Maia just in case she would wake up before I got back. And sure enough, she did wake up and her dad tried the bottle – successfully!! He sent me a picture of an empty bottle with a message “all gone”.
“Easy!” I thought.
Our plan was to have Maia’s dad give the bottle everyday late evening (10/11pm) and occasionally whenever I’d be out for a longer period. It would also be a nice daddy-daughter moment at the end of the day. So on Monday we put our plan into action. Bottle feeding her didn’t go as smoothly in the evening after a bath as it had gone on Sunday afternoon after a nap. She did take about 50ml but was a bit fussy and restless and wanted a top up from the breast although she didn’t finish her bottle. Same happened on Tuesday. Warming up the milk more helped and she’d have most of it but still wanted mummy afterwards. On the bright side, this way she ended up having a big meal and slept for over three hours after it! However by Thursday she had changed her mind…
Maybe we were a bit slow with preparing and warming up the bottle and Maia was already crying impatiently for food by the time her dad was ready with it. I left the room trying not to disturb them. The crying got worse and she sounded angry and frustrated. We’d already learned that bottle didn’t have the same soothing effect as the breast but now she was refusing it completely. It was so heartbreaking to listen to and eventually I couldn’t help but to go in!
I tried to offer the bottle too but that was doomed as she is even less likely to take it from me when the preferred option (the boob) is there two inches from her face. I ended up breastfeeding and it took her awhile to settle down, being in such a state. During the feeding she would give me accusing looks of “why would you do that to me?!” with tears in her eyes… Poor Maia. Poor mummy and daddy.
It’s frustrating when you’ve sterilised the bottle and pump, pumped the milk, listened to her fight the bottle and cry, go take over and breastfeed, and finally pour your milk into the sink and wash and sterilise the bottle and pump again. It makes you think “why do I even bother?”.
But unless we persevere she’ll continue to be fully dependent on me for food (and comfort/soothing) which is tough, really tough. Even a bottle or two a week would give me a break and a chance to enjoy some time on my own without worrying about her so much.
This exprience shows once again how much more babies get out of breastfeeding than just the (superb) mother’s milk…
xoxoxo,
Sini