Last week I hit a point where I felt like I’m pouring from an empty glass. Running on an empty tank. In hedge fund terminology, I’d been selling myself short without any idea of how to cover my positions. You get the picture – I really needed a break.
So last weekend I got a mini break to the exiting destination which was our living room! 😃
What preceded my mini break – before the episode of uncontrollable crying on Friday (me not the baby) – were gradually less and less sleep at nights and increasingly challenging days with my darling “four month monster”. We’ve been very lucky and Maia has been a relatively easy and happy baby overall. First months were mainly challenging because she was feeding so frequently and never slept for more than two hours at a time but as long as I’d hold her she’d be happy. Then in February she started sleeping well but required more entertainment during the day, which was fine because then I had the energy for it. But April has been tough because she regressed back to poor sleeping and has been quite hard work during the day too (fussy, clingy, irritable). Going out to public in attempt to socialise has recently felt more hassle than it’s worth but staying at home alone drives me crazy. Not forgetting my back pain from co-sleeping and carrying her all the time… And did I mention she also has a cold now??!! (Stuffy nosed baby = no sleep).
Of course we also have fun everyday and she’s can be so adorable my heart melts (honestly!) but I’m just explaining why I’ve been getting increasingly tired…
Would I swap places with anyone right now? I wouldn’t. Nor do I want a nanny now that I’m able to stay at home. As strange as it may sound after all I just described, I actually want to do this. I want to take care of Maia day in, day out. I just needed a little break.
And finally I managed to be vocal enough about it!
And no, it doesn’t have be a spa weekend away to do the trick! (Although, what wouldn’t I give for one, ha!)
We agreed with Maia’s dad that for one night he would take charge and I could sleep next door until Maia needed feeding. She still doesn’t take the bottle but we know that she can manage well with one feed per night and so we agreed I’d only be woken up for that one feed (unless of course I was really needed!).
So on Saturday evening I put Maia down at 8pm and it was mummy time!! First I had a long bath and then I lay on my mattress in the living room reading a book without stressing about a potentially patchy night ahead. At 11pm I turned off the lights. I did feel a bit lonely and was tempted to go back into the bedroom but I’m glad I didn’t. Around half four I woke up to the feeling of very full boobs (it’d been eight hours since the last feed!) and sure enough at 4.45am Maia’s dad brought her over and I fed her for half an hour. I went back to sleep. I was woken up again at 6am – apparently Maia had not wanted to go back to sleep after the feed and now daddy was exhausted. He is not used to the night duty – the responsibility as well as the noisy little sleeper – and had barely slept although Maia had only needed settling twice. I let him him go sleep and had a snuggle with Maia on my mattress. We fell asleep for another two hours! I like to think she was just missing mummy a bit. ☺️
At 8am we got up and I felt so refreshed!! Full of energy, I cleaned the kitchen, put a wash on, had breakfast and played with Maia. When I have more energy to really sit on the floor any play with my baby giving her my undivided attention, I can see the difference in her – She is much happier and more content. I wish it could always be like that!
When Maia went down for her first nap I did my third (and final) resistance workout from BBG 1 week three – arms and abs! Because of the muscle spasm I had on Monday, I had saved the resistance workouts for the weekend. Then I had shower and a blow dry while Maia played with her dad. I could not believe how much energy I still had even after the workout!! I went out for a two-hour walk with a friend – Maia in the pram/sling – and actually felt like socialising instead of struggling to follow the conversation as I sometimes do with a sleep deprived baby brain.
Later back at home I fed Maia – or more accurately, had the typical feeding fight during which she gets frustrated being torn between the urge to feed and the urge to explore the world – without getting impatient with her. I put another load of washing in the machine and left Maia with her daddy and walked to my favourite massage place. OMG. Heaven. 🙏
On my way back home I quickly stopped at Sweaty Betty and treated myself to new leggings! I’d been wanting to go there for ages but because the shop (10-minutes away from our home) has so many steps and I can’t get in with a pram, I had not. I haven’t actually bought myself anything in a long time and my old leggings are pretty worn out and stretched out from pregnancy and look a bit silly now. Considering I’m in active wear daily, I thought spending on a decent pair of leggings is justified.
On my shopping list are also new trainers, my old black Nikes have so many holes I’m embarrassed to wear white socks with them haha! But I had to rush home (I got a text that Maia was having a meltdown) and leave trainers for another day. At home I fed Maia and we played a bit before she had a bath. After she’d gone to bed we had our dinner and some adult time.
Mums tend to do the heavy lifting when it comes to caring for small children (as far as I know and definitely in our case) because dads are working and taking care of other stuff. It’s not a competition about who does more or who is the most tired, but based on my short experience as a mum I’d say it’s still very important to talk about how you both are doing with your respective roles so that you can support each other. I wouldn’t ask my fiancé to stay up at night with the baby during the week when he’s working and I’m happy to do my (24/7) job as the main carer of our child but it’s important for me to feel like I’m heard when I’m close to reaching my limit (or preferably before) and that I can get a break and recoup before continuing with my mum job.
Taking the time to care for ourselves and our relationship is so important… We can outsource cleaning, shopping and maybe even get a babysitter but there’s no outsourcing of self-care nor relationship management. I’m glad we had “the talk” and really glad it resulted in my mini break. It’s easy to forget who you were before the exhaustion kicked in. I think both my baby and fiancé were happy with the chirpy and energetic mummy! We agreed this wouldn’t be a one off. ☺️
Happy Monday everyone!
xoxoxo,
Sini
PS. Last night Maia slept again from 8pm until 5am (with 11pm dream feed)!! Yes it’s brutal to start the day at 5am but how nice was that uninterrupted sleep!!??