Being the first couple of our London friends to have a baby isn’t ideal. While our friends have of course been super excited and happy for us, it’s been very difficult to keep in touch with friends and to attend the gatherings and social events ever since Maia was born. It’s nobody’s fault. Before actually having a child we are pretty clueless about the realities of life with a baby. I definitely was. I never wanted to be that girl who has a baby and disappears. But hey ho, that’s exactly me!
True, babies are quite portable and in theory they can be taken anywhere (after vaccinations). Newborns sleep a lot anyway and if you don’t mind breastfeeding in public, feeding is minimal hassle too. Never mind the fact that you are probably been zombiefied by sleep deprivation and going anywhere with your precious parcel can seem daunting. Or that breastfeeding isn’t necessarily easy in the beginning even if six months on you could load the dishwasher with your baby latched on. Also you probably look like an absolute mess and most of your clothes still don’t fit. Fancy a pub meet up? Nah, I’ll give it a miss…
After the first few months we all started sleeping better and we got Maia into a routine – as long as we stuck to it, we’d sleep ok. Sleep is life. Seriously. Bedtime routine starts at 7pm and no the baby is not just going to “sleep in the pram in the corner of the pub”. You’re welcome to our house for dinner but I’m not going anywhere after 6pm. Sorry.
Naps are important. Crucial even. They are important to both the baby’s and her mum’s wellbeing. I’m not trying to be difficult but yes I’d prefer to plan around the nap schedule. Missing a nap has a knock on effect which will easily ruin the day, the following night and even the following day! Trust me, even you don’t want to have a lunch with a tired baby and stressed out mum. And no, I will not wake her up even if she’d happen to sleep for longer than “planned” just because we had plans. I will text you though. Sorry.
As the baby grows older she is suddenly more aware of where we are and who you are. She gets distracted easily and feeding and napping outside the home can be a challenge. At five months Maia started getting worried/stressed if we were in a crowd of strangers, also loud noises started to upset her. During this phase all day outings are out of the question. The little human needs a calm and familiar place to settle down, to have a feed and a good rest.
Babies are not toilet trained (obviously) and when out and about baby changing facilities really matter! Also, it would help if the place of the meet up had pram access. And friendly staff who don’t frown upon the sight of a baby. Also I would need a really good reason for travelling across London especially on the tube. Most tube stations have no lifts which means I need to carry Maia and her stuff (she never travels light), and the tube is also hot, crowded and noisy (see my previous point about noise and crowds…).
Young babies need a lot of attention and they literally can’t sit in a high chair minding their own business (not sure even older babies do that). I would love to enjoy my lunch sitting down and engage in a adult conversation without pacing around the restaurant to entertain Maia, but you know… She’s a baby.
So what do I do? Only go out when all stars align (does that ever even happen?!)? Only socialise with other mums? If I would ask Maia she would be happy to stay at home or the park nearby with me playing, feeding and sleeping. But I can’t just stay in or I get cabin fever. I also don’t want to lose my friends. My mum friends are my lifeline and during the week I plan baby-friendly activities with my friends who totally understand naps, feeds, and nappies. With my other friends I accept to make occasional sacrifices, accept the additional stress and the odd poor night’s sleep to see them in not so baby-friendly settings (of their choosing).
So if you haven’t seen me in awhile, now you know why. 😊 But I haven’t forgotten about you and don’t want you to forget me either! As Maia grows things will change again and who knows, you might have a baby then!
xoxoxo,
Sini