Thanks to the pandemic of coronavirus (COVID-19), last week my mum skills were truly tested. Our nanny started feeling poorly and to be on the safe side she was self isolating for seven days. This meant that all of a sudden I was left to my own devices with my 2-month old baby boy and a 2-year old girl. I know this is everyday life for many mums but until this week I had never actually been alone with my two kids for more than a few hours and I’d found the whole idea rather terrifying! Noah is not a challenging baby but as any newborn he feeds for hours every day and wakes up frequently at night (some nights are better than others) which means I’ve been pretty tired for these past two months. Maia on the other hand sleeps like a dream from 7pm until 6/7am but is as energetic as a toddler can be during the day! She’s also going through a phase of being right little bossy boots (“no mummy, come, put coffee down and don’t spill!”) and says “no” to pretty much everything. Not forgetting mealtimes which just take F.O.R.E.V.E.R… So I’ve been feeling very lucky to have had help. Or we’ll, it’s not luck. I went back to work in between having my babies and was working so hard last year, doing 60-hour work weeks while pregnant, so that this year I wouldn’t be as alone with the children as I was with Maia. My husband helps out as much as he can but he’s gone 12-hours per day and travels for work too so childcare is mainly on me.
And then corona happens and suddenly I’m on my own after all!
It was Tuesday morning and I had just patted myself on the shoulder for managing another chaotic morning. By 9am both kids were dressed and nappies were changed (both twice), baby was fed, and I had even made blueberry porridge for Maia (which she actually ate). So I was totally winning the mum game, right?! And I was ready to hand over one child to the nanny and to sit down with a cup of coffee.
But when she arrived and mentioned not feeling well, we decided it was best for everyone she’d go home to rest. My husband asked be if I was going to be ok. I thought “f*ck no!!” but said “yes of course”…
Ok, so I knew we had to go out to survive. Anyone with a toddler will know that by 10am you must leave the house otherwise they (and you) will go mental. Luckily the weather was lovely, cold but sunny. Noah tends to sleep around 10am-12pm and sleeps well in the pram so I wrapped him up and popped him in. I managed to convince Maia to walk to the nearby park so I didn’t have to faff around with the buggy board for her (which I had never attached myself). I’m not even sure how I managed it but by 10am we were out of the house. I looked a mess but that really didn’t matter at this point.
Noah fell asleep and Maia was happy to be outside and we had a lovely few hours! I was able to focus on her and she was thrilled to have one-on-one time with mummy! She was making me pretty nervous at the park though, being such a little monkey and climbing on everything!
Despite being the end of March it’s still cold in London, but the nature is in full bloom! I’m 100% a spring-person and really enjoy walking outside spotting all the flowers a magnolia trees are my favourites. Maia enjoys the nature too.
We got back home in one peace and luckily Noah continued to snooze in the pram so I could fix lunch for Maia. I’m a bit clueless in the kitchen so her lunch was avocado on toast and scrambled eggs with some veggies which I threw together in panic mode. She liked it though! Noah woke up and I sat down to feed him while Maia was drawing by the table.
And that’s when it happened. She fell. I could see it happening (“Maia get down, don’t climb on the chair!”) but I couldn’t do anything before it was too late. She looked up with blood in her mouth and screamed scaring me to death! I quickly put Noah down and picked her up. I have no idea how I managed to sound so calm and reassuring as I was checking she still had her teeth. Turned out she just had a small cut on her bottom lip but no doubt it hurt and she definite got a fright. Maia soon calmed down and she was having fun with the ice cubes I gave her to chew to help with potential swelling, but I felt awful, a bad mum. Can’t even keep my children safe and unharmed for half a day on my own…
Then it was nap time for Maia. I was slightly dreading this because at sleep times it’s always just the two of us and we have a little story and a cuddle before her sleeps but this time I’d have to bring Noah with me. I was right to be worried because it was a disaster. I had put Noah into a sling but he wasn’t happy in it and Maia was not happy to have him in the room. She wanted her cuddles and a half cuddle with her brother on my other arm was not good enough. In the end they were both crying and I had to leave Maia in her cot and hope she’d calm down eventually.
Maia cried herself to sleep while I was feeding Noah, feeling a bit miserable. Maia woke up a few times – if she goes to bed upset she rarely sleeps well… She woke up cranky and just wanted cuddles with mummy and completely lost the plot when I eventually had to pick Noah up for a feed. He sleeps most of the morning and so afternoons are often spent on the boob. “Not cool” thought Maia. She was crying and pointing at Noah’s snooze pod but I couldn’t put him down because he was screaming for milk. It was awful. I sat down to feed Noah and tried to talk to Maia who was kicking and screaming on the floor. Eventually she agreed to a joint hug and miserably sobbing joined us on the sofa. I felt like my arms would fall off but I kept holding them both, with an aching heart.
It was a long hour but it passed eventually, and they both calmed down and I could prepare Maia’s dinner (using the nanny’s stash of frozen batch cooked toddler meals) while panic-texting my husband to come home early. I managed to sit Maia down for dinner while holding Noah who had stomach ache and wanted to be held. Just as my husband opened the front door Noah projectile vomited all over me. Yep.
I escaped to the shower and let the hot water wash away the anxiety that had been building up during the day. Breathe in, breathe out. Everything was ok. We had survived.
Maia was excited to have daddy back early as she doesn’t usually see him in the evenings. She even ate her dinner nicely. I left the baby with my husband and took Maia upstairs for bath and bed. What a day. And it wasn’t even over because caring for a newborn is a 24-hour job! After we had had dinner I fed Noah again (this boy is hungry!), left him with his daddy and went to bed. It was 8.30pm.
I was reflecting on the day as I lay on the bed trying to sleep and I realised that although it had been 8-weeks since Noah was born, Maia had had yet to experience what it really meant to have a sibling and to have to share mummy. Maia is the most loving big sister but she’s been the centre of our attention all her life. So this is a natural reaction from her and something we had coming, but I must say I wasn’t prepared for it! But she will adjust and sharing is a very important life lesson to learn.
That night Noah woke up only once between 11pm and 6am which was completely unprecedented but so appreciated! I woke up rested and ready with a plan. I got up while my husband was still at home and could watch the kids and I had a quick shower, got dressed and had a bowl of cereal. The day before I had completely forgone such things and I think my milk supply even dropped (do not skip meals when you are breastfeeding!!). So by 8am I felt much more ready for the day. Then I spent the next two hours playing with Maia, feeding Noah, changing both of their nappies and getting everyone dressed. Luckily I had saved one portion of the blueberry porridge the day before so that was Maia’s breakfast sorted. I also took out home made beef burgers and fish cakes from the freezer to defrost for Maia’s lunch and tea. The weather wasn’t as beautiful but it was dry so we went out again. This time I attached the buggy board to Noah’s pram so that we could walk a bit further without Maia getting tired.
Again we had a lovely time exploring the neighbourhood and picking flowers. Before we went home I made sure to pick up a deli sandwich for myself so that I wouldn’t forget to eat again. We got home and Noah carried on sleeping in the pram while Maia and I had lunch. Then he woke up and I fed him too. 1.30pm it was Maia’s nap time and having learned from the day before, I left Noah on his playmat as I took Maia up to her room. I had to run down once to move Noah to a new place as he got bored, but that didn’t bother Maia. We had a cuddle and read a story and Maia went to sleep happily. Noah and I sat on the sofa for yet another feed and he fell asleep too. I found myself sitting in the quiet house with a hot cup of coffee and suddenly I felt like I was bossing the parenting again!
Maia woke up happy after a 2-hour nap. I made sure to pick her up alone and she was on a better mood and was even asking to go “see baby”. I had a little snack of strawberries and raspberries ready for her and we managed to avoid any meltdowns. Then I sat her down with play doh and with a sigh of relief, picked up Noah. My little boy was being such a good sport and was no hassle at all!
When my husband got home we were all in good spirits! I felt much more confident – clearly preparation was everything! I was exhausted though, haha. Trying to stay one step ahead at all times is tiring. But I’m sure with experience it would get easier.
Maia was off to sleep at 7pm and after our dinner I bathed and fed Noah. It was an early night for me again, in bed by 9.30pm. The amazing sleep of the night before didn’t repeat itself but we were back to more normal, decent sleep with feeds at 10.30pm, 2am, 4am (sleep between 4am and 6am tends to be poor as Noah is ready to start the day).
Day three was almost exactly the same as day two. Noah actually slept until I put Maia down for a nap so for the most part I had just one child at a time to worry about. In the afternoon while they both slept I pulled out my yoga mat to do my Kayla Itsines Post Pregnancy exercise programme, which I had started on Monday. After both kids woke up they joined me (Noah in his bouncer) and we had a good time being silly and jumping around to nursery rhymes. Another successful day!
On Friday I could relax a bit because my husband started to work from home (social distancing due to the virus) and I knew that in a case of emergency I’d have back up even though otherwise he wasn’t able to help me. I was confident enough to go to a different park a bit further away. We had a lot of fun with Maia kicking a ball in the park and playing at the swings and slides (me frantically spraying her hands with a sanitiser). On our way back she got a bit tired and didn’t want to walk or stand on her board… She’s used to having her own pushchair so I could understand she was getting tired. I couldn’t carry her the entire walk home but luckily I could negotiate a bit “mummy will carry you to the next corner and then you stand again for a bit ok?”.
The rest of the day went pretty well again, although Maia was a bit naughty at dinner time. She’s started treating mealtimes like a game and uses every delay tactic and I often end up feeding her, which is silly because she knows full well how to eat by herself! I think she is wanting to be a baby and this attention seeking behaviour is her way to react to her little brother’s arrival. After bath she also wanted me to cradle her like a baby saying “I’m a little baby”…
Overall I felt like I managed ok and I’d even go as far as to say the week had been quite empowering! I also enjoyed spending more time with Maia because normally the nanny takes her out since I have Noah (can’t do it the other way around yet because he feeds so frequently). But I have no idea how I would manage to bath them both and to put Maia to bed if I was alone in the evening! It’s unusual that my husband is able to come home by 6pm (normally 7.30-8pm). Luckily I don’t have to worry about this for the time being since he is now working from home.
The weekend felt much easier and more relaxed with two adults in the house. Maia’s behaviour was even more challenging though, I’m not sure why. She was quite clingy to me but then when she was with me she was quite naughty. It was tiring and I felt a bit defeated again. I could understand why she was reacting this way but I was beating myself up about not being able to handle it better.
We had good times too, in between the tantrums, and my husband treated me to a lie-in on both mornings. I really needed the rest and also some personal space! With a toddler and a newborn I don’t really get any breaks unless they happen to sleep at the same time (and not on me).
Sunday was Mother’s Day here in the UK and despite the anxiety, fear, and stress I had felt during this week I did feel very proud and happy for having managed to look after my two little ones. I love them fiercely and would do anything for them. ❤️
As scary as the coronavirus is and as bizarre the current shutdown of the society, this confidence boost for me as a mum has been a silver lining. As well as the additional family time!
xoxoxo,
Sini